to you, 22 years ago
Does The Swallow Dream Of Flying - Cosmo Sheldrake, HOWL
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Does The Swallow Dream Of Flying - Cosmo Sheldrake, HOWL 𖦹
Your parents are nothing more than just normal people carrying the weight of their pasts that fucked their lives up in one way or the other. Your parents are not heroes. Your parents were once kids, just like you.
But your mother will still be right about many things no matter how hard it is for you to admit it and this only becomes more apparent as you grow older.
Things are never that serious: a bad grade won’t stop the world from spinning and a day off won’t throw away all your efforts in the gutter and an overdue assignment is not going to end the world and a mistake isn’t enough to break your whole character down and a gut-wrenching tightness in your chest will lessen as each day goes by despite the possibility of it coming back, I promise. The sun will rise and we will try again, I promise.
Oh, but they are, things are actually so serious: there’s an overwhelming beauty in how the water flows and strangers have it just as hard if not harder and their stories are just as complicated and interesting as yours and the mundane is much more important to life than you think it is.
Don’t try to understand the future. You can’t run away from the things that are coming.
Don’t try to get lost in the past. You can’t change anything despite your bruised knees and desperate prayers.
Stop trying to control every single thing in your life. It will always backfire. Let it be.
Don’t be nice. Be kind.
No matter how hard you try not to, you will inevitably cause pain to those around you because you are human. The best thing to do is recognise the brutality in the truth and profusely apologise for it and change for the better and continue living your life.
The way people treat you will say more about themselves than you. If there’s nothing but sharpness with intentions to hurt you, don’t take it personal and wish that they heal and let it go. If there’s truth to it, reflect and improve yourself. But don’t get trapped in their actions towards you, don’t dissect their words hoping to find some form of value or explanation; it’s futile effort.
You can continue blaming the way you are on the opinions and speculations people have about you or you can refuse to let them shape who you are. The decision is only yours to make.
It is monumentally much more difficult to do than think. Choose wisely.
Anger is necessary. Don’t turn away from it. But if you’re not careful with it anger will turn to hate. Don’t let it swallow you whole.
Be mindful of the media you consume. In fact, be mindful of everything you consume - the thing you eat, the things you buy, etc.
Befriend the boredom. Silence is good. From time to time, do nothing. Be still.
Know that you cannot hold onto anything and that everything will end one day and learn to be okay with it when they do.
That said, loving someone is never a waste. Don’t let the mocking stop you. Don’t let the jarring, inevitable sign of grief stop you.
Express loudly. Take up space unapologetically. Vague hints and passive aggressive remarks and cryptic messages are so lame. Say what you mean to say even if there’s no reply.
Sometimes it’s going to be just you and the trees and the mountains and the seas. They will tell you that you are loved if you listen.
Sit with the pain. Feel it. Let it be ugly if it must. Cry and scream, scratch the bathroom floor, grip your skin if you must. Go right through it. Seek company. Take as much time as you need to (days, weeks, months, years, decades even) and when you finally come out of the other end, leave it behind.
Create something, anything, even if it’s not up to your own standards. It’s yours. Perfection is overrated anyways. Learn. Be messy. Be wrong. Stop running away from things and do them scared. Anything worth doing is worth doing badly.
You are neither late nor early and you are exactly right on time and you are exactly where you are meant to be on the path that you alone are walking and we actually have all the time in the world.
cover image by Ikumi Nakada
