ONE DAY, ALL OF US TOGETHER
Piano Man - Billy Joel
𖦹
Piano Man - Billy Joel 𖦹
I remember. I spend the days remembering. You blasted Lorde on the way to class and I told you about the messages I sent to a boy the night before. You made a really silly joke and I got in trouble because I couldn’t stop laughing until everyone was staring at me. All we had was time and a room surrounded by blue walls and there were subtle nudges from the back of the class as attempts to talk and there was friendly competition and then there was love. Oh, there was so much love. We drew our initials on lined papers and kissed the pens that wrote forget-me-not messages and I kept the books safe with me years after graduation. You’d wince in embarrassment if I occasionally showed you the letters out of nostalgia, but I’d tell you that if I needed any more proof that I have felt loved in my life, I know I will find it in between those words.
I remember. I spend the days remembering. We walked along the lantern-filled streets at night, the ground sticky from all the grease of market stalls and there was something safe about the annoyingly humid air surrounding us despite the drunks in the crowd. We walked up a hill with my luggages in your hands, and my hands held nothing but crisp air and occasional dust that blew from all the cars driving past. You wondered about the possibility of us being there among all the other people, among all the other places and you praised fate for it. You questioned how much longer the world will allow us to love each other but between you and me, I’ve always believed we were meant to be friends until we get swallowed whole by the ground, bones and all. There is a total of over 15000 kilometres of distance between all of us but I can feel both your laughter and tears from here, the moon delivers them to me.
I remember. I spend the days remembering. You took polaroids with me and waved me goodbye from the bottom of the escalator while I blew kisses at you, completely oblivious to the fact that I am not going to see you again for the next five years and more. I must confess something; the day I stopped being in the group photos was a little more uncomfortable than I’d like to admit. I didn’t want to become a mere ghost to you. I hated the way I felt, like I was made up of now corroding rocks that promises were once etched into. When we were kids, we were full of optimism (or naivety, whatever you want to call it), but now it seems we have accepted the sting because we must. We have so much to worry about, don’t we? Life demands us to keep walking with grief on our shoulders and I’m sorry that there isn’t much I can do for you except listen.
I wrote so many poems for you and you told me to use metaphors less. Our love is pretty straightforward, I think, you say. We are friends. We go days without talking because all of us are now too busy looking directly at the world and telling it to come at us with everything it has. And we do it with such confidence because we trust you will always trade sleep for a conversation if we ask you to. That’s all we need to nurture this love. That’s what it means to be friends, I don’t know how to word it any prettier. you say. And I continue to keep your 18th birthday present safe with me because I know that someday I am going to give it to you myself.
I remember. I spend the days remembering. And now I hold onto hope like I held onto the prayer beads wrapped around my wrist, a little kid muttering My faith is strong, let it be known that my faith is strong, and let this truth bring my wishes to reality. I would like to seek comfort inside your bubble again, where our devotion to each other is absolute and I am free from my mind’s chaos that boils over like poison. I would like to talk about our dreams again. And then this time I will carry your luggages while you dance for me amidst the tall grass, the wind like a string that connects each of our hearts together. I hold on to hope that perhaps in a year or two from now, this friendship of ours will prove resilient enough to be granted a reunion and we will make grown up versions of our polaroids and I will finally hold your hand to tell you that I love you once more.
cover image taken from Pinterest
