January means beginnings
De Selby (Part 1) - Hozier
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De Selby (Part 1) - Hozier 𖦹
Hello. I hope you’re doing well and all that. This might be a monthly thing, depending on my ability to catch up to the present. Don’t get your hopes up. But let me preface this by saying that although my ability to grasp the concept of time has been slowly fading, I am still well aware that we are already knee-deep into April (Or at least that’s how it feels). But if not now, then when?
January 2024’s highlights: January was so kind to me. I went hiking for six hours and the collars of my sneakers were stained with blood by the time I got back down but I witnessed the moss and the trees and how water drops hugged them like lovers often do. Out of breath, I looked up at the peak of the mountains clothed by the softest of clouds, and I looked down at the thin line where the soles pressed the ground and I tried to tell the wind to pass the message, “How wonderful you are, I love you, I love you, I love you. Thank you for holding my weight and every other beings’ weights so majestically. I am grateful to be alive because I am here. You are overflowing with love, with your pristine blue waters that flow with such unstoppable force, with your rocks and pebbles that proudly carry the evidence of how the history has shaped them like no other, with such tranquility your barks and your leaves that tower over me. Because I am here surrounded by you I am also overflowing with love. Every time I bear witness to your indifference in giving, I become unable to speak, to move, to do anything but stare at you in a form of adoration only a child could understand.” Is that too much of an confession to make? I can’t help it.
(On another note, listening to Hozier while surrounded by nature - 10/10 absolutely recommended. I swear my feet were a few inches off the ground. This is the closest I’ll ever come to levitating.)
Now the R.E.P.O.R.T (yes, this is from a TikTok trend):
Reading: A Horse at Night: On Writing by Amina Cain (Honest note: You should note I’m still chasing down my attention span and therefore have yet to finish it. I am, however, starting a new book every month because ? a. It’s exciting, b. I bite more than I can chew, c. I am a huge liar, d. All of the above)
Eating: From Ahi NZ, red deer + black pudding + berries + garden leeks + pickled onion + witloof. Best meal I’ve had all month.
Playing: Bewitched - Laufey (Perhaps I should impulsively move to London to find the love of my life)
Obsessing: A perfume to add to my ever-growing collection: Dama Bianca - Xerjoff. For when you want to be perceived as sweet, ethereal, angelic, etc. Vanilla fragrances for the win, really.
Recommending: Admiring a waterfall from a close, intimate distance
Treating: A solo night in a hotel with the sole purpose of getting in the bathtub to think about the world and leaving the tv on in the bedroom
And some additional discoveries:
I discovered that I really like pickled artichoke hearts.
I really can’t stand the scorching heat. Yes, the days are less melancholic and cold but that leaves room for sharpening one’s teeth and practicing one’s hisses. It angers me to no end, and both staying inside and going out fail me when I’m trapped inside an unbelievably huge oven, forcing me to brood over every time I was provoked and mocked and betrayed. The sun will do this to you and if you’re not careful about it the hate will consume you. Don’t let it.
I’ve also been trying to journal more, but I have yet to get over the self-inflicted embarrassment that comes from rereading my entries the next day, or week, or year. I probably have a lot more inner-work to do than I realise.
Well. That’s it for now. Wait for me until the next ramblings.
*cover image taken from tumblr
